Last weekend we were eating at this hot dog place my dad suggests every time he's in town, and I spotted a college-aged young woman wearing an olive green DAWN OF THE DEAD t-shirt. I'm rendered immobile by booth positioning, so I suggest to Ali that she could make me very happy by finding out where the woman obtained the shirt.
And that's how I found myself pulling into the mall after covering a night meeting last week. I walk into Hot Topic for the first time in my life. I'm still wearing a suit, and if there's an equivalent in this suburban chain ripoff shop to Jack Black's character in HIGH FIDELITY, then he's sure to be making fun of me.
Oh, yeah. There they are. Stacked below the RE-ANIMATOR shirts. They've got the great zombie top-of-skull logo. I've probably wanted a DAWN OF THE DEAD t-shirt for at least twenty years, and these ones are comparatively not bad. I'm not sure exactly why I've retained this infantile desire to make myself identifiable by clothing to things I like, but there you go. Yeah, they've got the right size. I guess I'm ready to go.
For some reason I just keep standing there. Maybe I'd rather not have to pay for it. No, there's something else. Suddenly, I'm just hyperventilating with irony. I'm going to buy a DAWN OF THE DEAD t-shirt at a mall. A shopping mall. What's worse, I'm going to buy it at a store selling fake nonconformity, or at least doing so the best you can while nestled between Victoria's Secret and Mrs. Field's Cookies.
I put the shirt back and walk out of the store.
Oh Russ - I am going to send you one of those shirts - what size do you need.
ReplyDeleteI also am the proud owner of one of these shirts.
It's funny.....one of those stores just opened in a mall here, and every time we walk past it Yoruba wants to go in but then decides "no, maybe another time"...his attraction is Bob Marley anything...and I mean anything. He has the most worn out t-shirt you have ever seen, but I am not to get rid of it ever!
ReplyDeleteOur consumer culture has been conquered by the zombies. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume humanity or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the zombies will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new zombie overlords.
ReplyDeletePaul, as I said, thanks a ton. You have spared me the ignominy.
ReplyDeleteSeema, great to hear from you! I wager that Yoruba's reluctance comes from the same place as mine. It just feels wrong buying a Bob Marley shirt at a mall store. I can't imagine Marley ever frequented a mall.
Shane? Sorry to have missed your call. Hey, Ali and I are thinking about coming out in February. Sans mademoiselles. When are you free?
Best story ever.
ReplyDeleteTerrifying situations like this are why I wear nothing but plain color t-shirts.
ReplyDelete