Miscellany/ Bad Stand-Up

* In local news, a man was fined $300 for holding himself out as Steelers quarterbacks Ben Roethlisberger and Brian St. Pierre to unsuspecting and media-illiterate single women. Upon leaving the courtroom, Tommy Maddox approached the man and offered to pay him $300 if he'd pretend to be him for a while.

* I hope that if the World Series goes back to new Comiskey, the customary camera cutaway to celebs in attendance will fall on this guy. (insert obligatory "Ligue of his own" ref)

* I watched most of last night's Falcons-Jets game. I'm actually not able to believe how glaringly bad the Jets' clock/game management is, despite their hiring the clockwatcher who stands next to Herm. Near the end of the first half, with the opportunity to do something to make the second half more than just a formality, Vinny throws a ball to Chrebet which he traps but which is ruled a catch. Rather than run up and run a play or spike the ball to prevent replay review, the Jets call time and practically compel the play to be reviewed (and overturned). They improbably get the ball back before the half ends, but then another blundered miscommunication about where they are on the clock and the field results in them just letting time run out while the offense is lined up at midfield. No long field goal setup or attempt. No Hail Mary.

Seriously, if I was playing the Jets, I'd hire Flavor Flav to walk up and down my team's sideline, and every time Herm looked over our way, I'd have Flavor point to that big clock around his neck. You'd be deep in his head.

And maybe I just haven't watched enough Falcons games, but is Michael Vick even in the Top Ten quarterbacks in the league?

* Non-sports: I'm glad to have the DVD of George A. Romero's Land of the Dead now, but after seeing the weekend box office come out like this...

1 N Doom Uni. $15,488,870 - 3,044 - $5,088 $15,488,870 $60 1
2 N Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story DW $9,178,233 - 2,007 +1,012 $4,573 $9,178,233 $32 1
3 2 Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit DW $8,584,304 -25.5% 3,472 -184 $2,472 $43,918,009 - 3
4 1 The Fog SonR $6,665,475 -43.3% 2,972 - $2,242 $20,913,919 $18 2
5 N North Country WB $6,422,455 - 2,555 - $2,513 $6,422,455 $35 1
6 3 Elizabethtown Par. $5,621,009 -47.1% 2,517 - $2,233 $18,848,975 $45 2
7 4 Flightplan BV $4,724,629 -27.2% 2,513 -598 $1,880 $77,294,514 - 5
8 5 In Her Shoes Fox $3,885,189 -36.4% 2,237 -603 $1,736 $26,179,382 - 3
9 8 A History of Violence NL $2,699,962 -25.0% 1,308 -40 $2,064 $26,300,395 $32 5
10 6 Two for the Money Uni. $2,421,835 -48.3% 1,693 -704 $1,430 $20,706,660 $35 3

...I agree with my friend Paul that the film should have been released this month instead of in June. In fact, it should have been released this past weekend. That would have given The Fog one weekend to attract indiscriminate teenagers, then left the rest of October for Romero's film. They might have moved Doom to get away from it. It would have been the first time in a while that a horror movie with some cred had Halloween to itself. Saw 2? Come on.

The Red Lynx Wagon

i. Expressionless Barney

Owing to my circumstances, I've become something of a conoisseur of insightful or unusually hilarious things said by children under the age of ten. I'm pretty sure the undisputed heavyweight champion of such statements is the following remark recorded by Judd Apatow in a diary he wrote for Slate:

My daughter Maude was 5 when she realized that Barney had only one expression. She couldn't stop laughing when she noticed this. She ran around the living room with this psychotic Barney smile which never changed, and then started saying, "I'm happy. I'm sad." She laughed some more and then screamed, "Help me! I don't know how to feel." At 7, my daughter also punched up the drunk-driving sequence in The 40-Year-Old Virgin—which features my wife, Leslie Mann, as the drunk driver—by saying to me one day in the car, "When mom is driving badly, she should fall asleep." The next day she tried to button the joke by telling me, "Dad, when mom falls asleep in the car, she should gas."

After we showed the movie to a crowd, I came home and told Maude, "Mom falling asleep got a huge laugh." To which she replied flatly, "Yes, but did she gas?" When I said, "No," she just shook her head. She is either in for a lifetime of neurosis or a lucrative career as a comedy writer.

I love that these insights come from a little girl named Maude. As that's one of the old woman names not to come back into nouveau vogue, and given Apatow's affection for Hal Ashby, I'm guessing his daughter's name is an homage.

ii. That Lingering Undead Problem

It seems that despite four Pittsburgh-centered Romero films on the subject and dozens of films by others, the region just hasn't faced up to the looming dangers.

iii. That Lingering Hearing Problem

It's been twenty-one hours and my left ear is still ringing pretty distinctly. My pal Shane took me to the U2 concert last night and we had a great time. They're fantastic showmen. Setlist and tour info here.

iv. Book Clubs

It's easy to get cynical about the emergent book club culture, provided, of course, that you can get past the idea that it's an intrinsic positive that people are purportedly reading books and discussing them. Ali pointed me to this article in last Tuesday's paper, and I think it's so fantastic that this club exists, even in its somewhat antiquated, dying-out form. It looks like we're now a little too far north for Ali to be eligible for membership under the criteria as they're stated in the article, but I'm glad it's there, and the thought that these women are going to such great lengths to pursue knowledge and understanding for its own sake-- and not because of a perceived economic, social or other advantage it might confer-- is one of the best things I've heard all week.

Then again, I'm not hearing much now.

v. The 2005 Three Rivers Film Festival

The 3RFF schedule was released this week, and ten of the fortysomething films apparently played in Toronto. Looks intriguing.

Thursday, Nov 3
B 7:30 (reception 6:00) Beyond The Rocks [US 22] with Philip Carli live (*)

Friday, Nov 4
R 8:00 (doors 7:00) Pride and Prejudice [UK 05]
H 8:00 (doors 7:00) Breakfast on Pluto [UK 05]
M 8:30 (doors 7:30) SQUONKumentary [US 05 a] followed by Squonk Opera live

Saturday, Nov 5
R 2:30 The Ninth Day [G 05]
R 4:30 Reel Paradise [US 05]
R 7:00 The President’s Last Bang [K 04]
R 11:00 X: The Man w the X-Ray Eyes [US 63] with Pere Ubu live (*)
H 2:30 Nickelodeon 5¢ Screening with Philip Carli live (*)
H 4:45 Iron Island [Iran 05]
H 7:00 Harlan County, USA [US 76]
H 9:00 Dorian Blues [US 04]
M 2:30 SQUONKumentary [US 05 a]
M 4:00 Das Bus [US 04]
H 6:30 (reception 8:00) Dumpster [US 05 a p]
H 9:00 (reception 8:00) Dumpster [US 05 a p]

Sunday, Nov 6
R 3:00 Jesus, Mary & Joey [US 04]
R 5:00 The Ninth Day [G 05]
R 7:30 The Squid and the Whale [US 05]
H 2:30 The World [China 04]
H 5:15 Breakfast on Pluto [UK 05]
H 8:00 Symbiopsychotaxiplasm: Take 1 [US 68]
M 3:00 Das Bus [US 04]
M 5:00 Mutual Appreciation [US 05]
M 7:30 Darwin’s Nightmare [Austria/B/F 04]

Monday, Nov 7
R 7:15 Reel Paradise [US 05]
R 9:30 The President’s Last Bang [K 04]
H 7:15 Harlan County USA [US 76]
H 9:15 Dorian Blues [US 04]
M 7:15 Darwin’s Nightmare [Austria/B/F 04]
M 9:30 Mutual Appreciation [US 05]

Tuesday, Nov 8
R 7:15 Jesus, Mary & Joey [US 04]
R 9:30 Pure [UK 05]
H 7:15 Symbiopsychotaxiplasm: Take 1 [US 68]
H 9:00 The World [China 04]
M 8:00 (reception 7:00) Film Kitchen [US a p] (*)

Wednesday, Nov 9
R 7:15 Pure [UK 05]
R 9:15 Dear Wendy [G 05]
H 7:15 Iron Island [Iran 05]
H 9:15 Côte d’Azur [F 05]
R 8:00 Video Data Bank program [US a]

Thursday, Nov 10
R 7:15 Dear Wendy [G 05]
R 9:15 À Tout de Suite [F 05]
H 7:15 Last Victory [Italy 04]
H 9:15 Côte d’Azur [F 05]
M 7:15 Electric Edwardians [UK]
M 9:00 Filmic Achievement [US 05 a]

Friday, Nov 11
R 7:15 Why We Fight [US 05]
R 9:15 Manderlay [Denmark 05]
H 7:30 (reception 9:00) Short Film Awards
M 7:15 Electric Edwardians [UK]
M 9:00 Dogplayers [US 05 a p]

Saturday, Nov 12
R 1:30 La Petite Jérusalem [F/ I 05]
R 3:45 Manderlay [Denmark 05]
R 6:30 À Tout de Suite [F 05]
R 8:30 The Memsahib [US/India 05 a]
H 4:30 Last Victory [Italy 04]
H 6:30 The World’s Fastest Indian [NZ/US 05]
H 9:00 My Beautiful Girl Mari [K 02]
M 4:30 Derailroaded [US 05 a]
M 7:00 Filmic Achievement [US 05 a]
M 9:15 Story of a Fructiferous Society [US 05 a p]

Sunday, Nov 13
R 2:15 La Petite Jérusalem [F/ I 05]
R 4:30 Lost Embrace [A 04]
R 7:00 Why We Fight [US 05]
H 1:00 The World’s Fastest Indian [NZ/US 05]
H 3:30 Short Films program
M 2:30 Derailroaded [US 05 a]
M 5:00 Ballets Russes [US 05]
M 7:30 Dogplayers [US 05 a p]

Monday, Nov 14
R 8:00 The Memsahib [US/India 05 a]
H 7:15 My Beautiful Girl Mari [K 02]
H 9:00 Keane [US 05]
M 7:00 (reception 5:30) Ballets Russes [US 05]
M 9:15 Story of a Fructiferous Society [US 05 a p]

Tuesday, Nov 15
R 7:15 Lost Embrace [A 04]
R 9:15 At Last [US 05 a]
H 7:15 Keane [US 05]
H 9:15 Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace [Canada 04]
M 7:15 William Eggleston in the Real World [US 05]
M 9:15 Short Films program

Wednesday, Nov 16
R 8:00 At Last [US 05 a]
H 8:00 Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace [Canada 04]
M 7:00 Photo Auction closing reception (*)
M 8:00 William Eggleston in the Real World [US 05]

Thursday, Nov 17
R 8:00 Blackmail [UK 29] with Alloy Orch live (*)

I'm going to sift through these and try to come up with between five and ten screenings I'd really like to make. Further details on particular films can be found here. Comments on any of them are welcome.

anti-spam

Sorry for the added inconvenience w.r.t. leaving comments now, but I've been overrun by spam and the new setting should eliminate that.

This World Expands and Contracts with the Bellows-Shaped Internet

I've been looking for my friend Ebere for the last twelve years. The last time I saw him was on the day I graduated from college. I talked to him through the driver's side window while his car was parked in front of my dormitory. I was carrying boxes out to my car. We were both hurried and I tried to give him quick directions to our wedding, which would be two weeks later and fifty miles away. We haven't seen each other since that moment, or had contact of any kind. I've missed him.

In the late nineties the search went electronic, and after running some white pages searches I called a couple of wrong numbers I'd thought might have some promise. About a year ago I put a "please contact if you have any information" notice in our college's alumni magazine, figuring someone we graduated with would know something. No replies of any kind. Every time I ran into someone we both had known, I'd ask if they knew anything about his whereabouts. Nothing.

A few weeks ago I punched in my quarterly google search and found my friend through a mention in a story written for his university. I called the story's writer to enlist his help and narrowed my internet search. Then, two nights later, while sitting at The Ground Round waiting for my hamburger after covering part of a meeting, my telephone rings. My friend's on the other end. He'd been thinking about me, too.

I've probably told a dozen friends and two or three family members that I (used to) write this weblog. I keep it low-key. I've maintained a rigorous no-writing-about-work policy (second only, apparently, to my no-writing-about-anything policy of late), but this is both not substantive and too interrelated not to mention. Two days after that aforementioned google search wiped out twelve and a half years of non-contact, I'm sitting in my boss's office, and we're conducting a telephone conference call with opposing counsel in a federal case. We're holding the informal conference required under Federal Rule 26 and the Local Rules to set forth a proposed pretrial discovery schedule. Neither my boss nor I has had any real contact with opposing counsel before. As we're discussing various deadlines, one of the three of us mentions the judge's court procedures set forth on his webpage, and then the voice on the other end of the line says, "You have a blog, don't you?" My boss, surprised, says "No, I don't." I say, "Yes, that's me."