Derivation L. Intestine

I got an e-mail at work from long-time correspondent sylvia.hawkes@talk21.com. The subject is The Whore Lived Like a German. The message is just a link to some article in a German publication. I'm not clicking on it. Everybody in the office received it. It's the latest in a string of enticements coming from the Bavarian Spam Network.

On any given work day, I'll get three or four or ten messages from such innovative constructions as Spoiling H. Dorothy, Malt J. Silliness, Blindfolds K. Grandstander, the gentleman whose name heads this entry or the even more unfortunately-named Cialis Viagra. Just this past Friday, Rigoberto Velasquez asks me "Does your girl like surprises?" Oh, does she ever, Bert.

There might not be any more obvious target of jokes than e-mail spam, but there are also some interesting things worth noting. Lots of people in business and service providing love the way in which e-mail allows for instantaneous, round-the-clock carrying on of the day's work. It's cheap and efficient communication. Advertising firms love that, too. And so whereas telephone cold-calls were never efficient or cheap enough to seriously damage business efficiency, and mass mail solicitations were too expensive, with e-mail the perfect vehicle for the Ad That Never Sleeps has been born.

I love the way in which the spam has evolved into more and more realistic-looking messages. The info tech guys dodge with a program that filters out certain subject line words, the ad guys parry with misspelled words. We've got a guy whose job includes dividing the electronic wheat from the chaff, and still I get these invitations to surprise my girl. I love it. And that there are firms out there whose m.o. is simply devising new and better ways to trick people into opening their messages-- it's amazing and by far my favorite development of the New Economy.