THIS SUMMER...the Terror ISN'T on the Field!

After Leah's piano lesson yesterday we drove north up the Fort Duquesne bridge, which curls around the perimeter of PNC Park. The stadium lots were roughly a quarter filled, in keeping with a typical sub-15,000 crowd of victims. But then I caught a split-second glance of the Jumbotron and saw some rock band entertaining the crowd. Sure, Springsteen played at PNC last year, but the glimpse I got told me this wasn't a superstar.

Turns out it was the Armagettin' Ready Tour.

Obvious jokes should be thrown out right away.

"Hey, don't they simulate disasters there 81 times a year?"

That's better.

So, anyway, here's your free script idea for the day, Roland Emmerich. Some bad guys figure the best time to stage their mayhem is during the disaster simulation. Who would expect it? They'd blend right in with the fake bombers. A montage of scenes in which the fake terrorists are amazed at how convincing and adept some of the others are. And then it becomes a game no longer. For One Elite Squad. And One Man.

Where's Powers Boothe these days? He knows his way to Pittsburgh.

And we are, after all, coming up on the tenth anniversary of a film that begs plaintively for a sequel. A film borne out of Karen Baldwin sitting bored in her husband's owner's box, looking out at his hundred million dollar toy skating around and wishing there was some way she could be released from the monotony. What if terrorists took over the hockey arena? And what if we could get Luc Robitaille to curse in French, and get Jean-Claude Van Damme to fight a ninja dressed in the Penguin mascot costume? Something approaching hilarity ensued.

But Darren McCord's training is not yet complete...